Many of the women that I work with are high-performing over-committed women who had a goal they thought would fulfill them and now they are over-stressed and burned out.

Maybe a long time ago, they manifested themselves in a corporate role or CEO of their own business and now they are unhappy, stressed out, no time for downtime. And frankly, they are confused why they wanted this role in the first place.

If you have never put a name to it, manifesting is the act of focusing on what you want, with clarity and belief, so you align yourself to receive it. It works when your identity, beliefs, and actions point in the same direction.

The problem starts when they don’t.

The disconnect most of us miss

Picture this. You are visualizing a promotion and a leadership title. At the same time, your real goals are to reduce burnout, lower your stress, and spend more time with the people you love. Those two pictures don’t match. You can chase the title with everything you have and still end up further from the life you said you wanted.

So here is my question: are you manifesting toward what you actually want, or toward what you think you are supposed to want?

That gap is where most of us get stuck. And my honest advice sounds backward: stop trying so hard.

What I learned the hard way

For years, I tried to manifest myself into a corporate leadership role I was sure would satisfy me. The harder I worked toward it, the clearer it became that getting there brought me no joy. My health suffered, I couldn’t sleep, I was overweight. It was only when I stopped to take a breath, deal with my health issues and reset my balance, that I understood what I had done. The role I had been reaching for did not fit the person I was becoming and wanted to be.

Three steps to realign

• First, get clear on what actually gives you joy. Look at the role you are chasing and be honest. If it adds 20 percent more work and pulls you away from your family and your downtime, ask whether it fits your identity and your beliefs. It might not.
• Second, change the question. Stop asking “what do I want?” and start asking “who do I want to be.” The first question collects goals. The second one tells you which goals are even worth keeping.
• Third, watch how you check your progress. If you are anxious and stressed about whether you are moving toward the goal fast enough, that pressure can blind you to a bigger truth: the goal itself may need to change to match who you are.

Who actually transforms

The women I watch transform are not the ones who wanted it most. They are the ones who stopped worrying about whether they were meeting the timelines of their manifesting goal and started showing up as the person they were becoming.

You can do the same thing.

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